Awesome Board for Cool Kids
- CURRENT theSockdolager [CTS] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board AWESOME BOARD FOR COOL KIDS
- CTS: I'm creating this memo to commemorate (within a couple of days) the point at which I caught up on Homestuck. That's right, 3500 pages or so ago, I heaved a long-suffering sigh and caved in to my friends' hedged assurances that I would probably find it a little interesting maybe or whatever and I should read the first section and see how I felt about it.
- CTS: So I was like, okay, fuck it, I can read a webcomic without turning into some kind of like zombie fanboy.
- CTS: I mean
- CTS: How bad could it be?
- CTS: Yeah. Well.
- CTS: Turns out? Pretty bad!
- CTS: Within a few hours I was cracking wise to myself about my "sylladex."
- CTS: And within a couple of days I realized I had pretty decently strong feelings about John and Rose and Dave and Jade.
- CTS: Like stronger-than-average for a narrative I'd only engaged a couple of days earlier.
- CTS: And a couple of days after that I was planning the Sodapop Journal feature I would write about the comic.
- CTS: In which I would proclaim it to be representative of the future of storytelling.
- CTS: In which I would draw comparisons between Andrew Hussie and David Foster Wallace.
- PAST theSockdolager [PTS] 480 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
- PTS: What is this?
- PTS: Some kind of joke? My future self is writing on some kind of... trans-temporal chat?
- CTS: Oh, hey, Paul. Yeah, more or less.
- PTS: Yeah, I don't fucking think so. Even if we set aside the utter absurdity of that notion, there is no goddamn way I would ever compare some jokey hipster webcomics chump to the greatest American writer of the 20th century.
- CTS: Ha ha, oh, past self. So naive. You don't even know. It's kind of adorable.
- PTS: FUCK YOU. That's the number one way I know this chat is bullshit, and I'm not talking to my future self. My future self would NEVER SAY THAT ABOUT A STUPID COMIC.
- CTS: Man, Paul, you can be kind of a dismissive dick about stuff you haven't even read yet. Anyway I'm just glubbing about my feelings here, there's no call for profanity.
- PTS: "Glubbing... about..." What? WHAT. UGH. IS THAT SOME KIND OF STUPID REFERENCE. SHUT UP YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.
- CTS: Okay, past self, now you're just being hostile. You really don't know what you're talking about.
- PTS: Whatever.
- CTS: Anyway. So yes, I found myself a lot more invested than maybe I was prepared to be, and then the cast expanded by fourfold and suddenly:
- CTS: My attachment to the whole insane thing became impossible to deny, even as I added "Created fascinatingly alien yet still relatable culture" to Homestuck's already impressive enumeration of accomplishments.
- CTS: (Which list also included "consistantly funny jokes about data structures," "badass flash animations," and "surprisingly excellent soundtrack.")
- CTS: And so now here I am, trying to figure out how I cay say "Homestuck is the Infinite Jest of webcomics" without sounding like a complete tool.
- PTS: FUCK YOU "FUTURE ME" FOR EVEN DARING TO SAY THAT.
- PTS: WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU ARE TREADING ON SACRED FUCKING GROUND.
- PTS: THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD LIKE SOMETHING THAT MUCH, THAT QUICKLY.
- CTS: I'm just going to ignore my past self here and maybe he'll go away. I'm sorry, guys, past me is sort of a dick.
- CTS: But I can sort of understand where he's coming from! I would find myself saying things like:
- CTS: "I can't believe Vriska forced John to accidentally prototype Jade's kernelsprite with Becquerel! FUCK YOU, VRISKA!"
- CTS: And then taking a step back and thinking, "man, a couple of days ago that sentence wouldn't have made any sense to me at all, yet now I care deeply about a bunch of shit I would be hard-pressed to explain to anybody not also reading the comic."
- PTS: Whatever that means, god, you Homestuck nerds and your terrible stupid jargon.
- PAST theSockdolager [PTS-2] 200 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
- PTS-2: VRISKA DID WHAT?! DUDE, SPOILERS.
- CTS: Oh shut up, slightly-more-recent past self. You fucking knew better than to open a memo from the future about a story you were already reading. Besides, it'll still be a total surprise, you just didn't have the context for it. And you still don't.
- PTS-2: I guess. Jesus. Anyway I don't think Vriska is that bad, necessarily. I mean... she's kinda bad but she's being nice to John.
- CTS: FUCK.
- CTS: HER.
- CTS: That is all I'm going to say.
- PTS: Jesus like it even matters. This is obviously some kind of elaborate prank. Is this you, Alison? ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
- CTS banned PTS from responding to memo.
- CTS: I seriously apologize for how much of a dick my past self is. God that guy is annoying.
- CTS: Anyway I can't even really process the most recent events. That's the one really bad part of all of this, since the story's not done yet, I don't know if any of this is going to pay off, or if Hussie is just an asshole and is going to like kill everybody in the end or just be like "it was all a dreeeam" or something.
- CTS: I mean.
- CTS: I just really want some kids and some trolls to be happy.
- CTS: Is that so much to ask?
- CTS closed memo.
I NEED THIS
THAT’S SO COOL!
I don’t absolutely 100% need this, but man, would it be really convenient to own!
IS THIS REAL? :o
It’s real. But apparently not on the market yet. Stay tuned for updates as I do some research. I want this thing too. It might get me to actually give drawing another try.
THIS IS CHEATING :|
That’s a beautiful apple. Shiny and scarlet and well-lit too! Put that shit right on up teacher’s desk. OR: place the apple in a COMPLETELY WHITE SPACE. Look at that! Where are you, the Television Room in Willy Wonka’s factory?? You’re beaming assorted picturesque fruits to TV sets around the world??? Fantastic. Now, let’s draw a picture of the apple.
Now, no matter where you place your light source, apples are round, and their curvatures create a rich range of light and dar—-Oh, you just want the red of the apple. Just “The Red.” You want the apple’s communist heart. You don’t care about its nuances. You ARE the teacher, and you are grading your students’ papers. Get this damn apple off your desk. Fortunately, in this all-white version TRON space, it will be easy to find a caricature of the apple’s color, thanks to this magical pen. Where did you GET this shit, Ollivander’s? Dragon heartstring? Five inches? Did the pen, in a way, CHOOSE YOU?
Fuck your students, YOU are making big squiggly lines right now. JUST LIKE THAT. You will never be crushed by the knowledge that the surrounding color context of EVERYTHING informs and changes the way we perceive objects, and that your pure white surfaces are only a single (and highly improbable) possibility in a world of varying and shifting light. Does your pen itself cast a shadow that changes the world? Do you?
Scan the color that you want
Now, the color is yours to use